so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
