got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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