good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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