take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
