Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
