Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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