CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
