idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
