I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
