Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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