I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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