Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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