She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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