My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
