I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
