So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
