Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize