we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
