Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
