i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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