I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
