my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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