quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
