I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
