I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
