ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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