dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
