we made out on top of his cat.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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