If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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