just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
