I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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