Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
