whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize
