I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
