I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
