Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
