I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
