Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
