You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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