do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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