I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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