It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Randomize
