You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
