Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
