i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
