He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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