One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
