Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
