I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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