I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
