Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
