hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
