No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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