Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
