My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
