Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
