i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
