from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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