if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
