Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize