how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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