he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
