I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
