I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
