im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
