he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
