i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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