i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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