WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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