I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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