please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
