you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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