u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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