i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
