Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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