Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
