youre lurking in front of me
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize