She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
