the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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