Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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