I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
