woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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