There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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