And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
