the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
