I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
