If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
