did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i think my mom watched the whole time
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
