Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
