for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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