My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I would ride that face into the sunset
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
