I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
