How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize