just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
