Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
