this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
