Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
