did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
